Tips to make your love relationship work

Making an effort to make your relationship work is important.

 "The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships." - Anthony Robbins

Hands down, I have to admit that my favorite topic to write about is love.  I don't know what it is about love that makes me feel like I am such an expert already, but I have observed more than my fair share of relationships (first, second and third hand experience) to know what makes it last and meaningful.  Here are some tips to help you make your love relationship work.

1.  Realize you do not own your partner.

I don't know what it is about our society that makes one feel like they have to put a label on their partner to make sure that everyone and their mother knows that she or he is taken, but relationships are not about making your partner fully yours.  When your relationship has become possessive, problems can arise that can slowly, but surely, drive a wedge between you.  A serious relationship is nothing more than a committed partnership where both parties understand that they have a responsibility to their partner, not an entitlement.

2.  Value space.

While we may feel like we need to spend every waking moment with our loved one, the truth is space is very important to any relationship.  I'm sure you fear the saying, "out of sight, out of mind." But also remember that "distance makes the heart grow fonder."  Space is needed to balance out your time together.  While very few couples can last being together 24/7, everyone else will last maybe a week of non-stop togetherness.  Guys, go out for a few hours and get a drink with the boys.  Girls, go out to lunch or dinner with your girls.  Do not be afraid of time apart because anything new that you do is another topic to talk more about.

3.  Always hold conversations no matter how silly the topic is.

Honestly, I feel like all my partner and I do is converse, and my biggest fear is running out of topics to talk about.  We talk about everything from the impossible to the impractical to the emotional.  Every time we talk, I learn a little more about him, and we spend enough time apart (physically and mentally) to do our own thing so we have something to talk about when we are together.  The more you learn about your partner, and the more he learns about you, the deeper the intimacy of your relationship will go.

4.  Spend quality time together.

Sometimes, quality time can imply spending money, but the truth is, you don't need to.  Especially if you are living with your partner, doing meager and mundane things can become quality time.  Wash dishes, cook or do laundry together is quality time.  This reinforces tip #3, and solidifies your bond as a couple.

5.  Always show your appreciation.

One of the most common reasons one partner will go astray is because they don't feel "appreciated."  Keep in mind that little things count, and if you can't say thank you or give your partner a hug for cooking your dinner, drawing your bath, cleaning up your laptop, etc., then you are slowly pushing him away.  Eventually, you are going to get used to him or her doing everything for you that it will feel like a task, not something from the heart.

6.  Acceptance is key, but change opens the door to possibilities.

There's a saying by Albert Einstein that gets to me whenever I see or read it.

"Women marry men hoping they will change.  Men marry women hoping they will not.  So each is inevitably disappointed."

Ok, so let's get this out of the way.  First off, change is inevitable.  Period.  A relationship that doesn't shift in any way is a stagnant, unsatisfying relationship.  And is that really want you want?

It's really girls that I have a problem with most of the time when it comes to relationships because our emotional side gets us to be so selfish.  (Yes, I am also including myself in this because God knows I'm not perfect either.)

Girls, why on Earth would you fall for a guy just to change him?  If he wasn't loving, thoughtful, generous, and loyal in the beginning, what the hell made you fall for the guy anyway?  If it's looks or money...guess what?  Your relationship has just started out as superficial as you probably are.  (Sorry, I don't mean to hurt anyone's feelings.)  I have always been an avid believer in great love, but when I picture a man that I would one day marry, his looks or status didn't way heavily.  His attitude, his kindness, and his willing to change to make things better is what one should only focus on.

Guys, if you love a girl and you know that she isn't happy with you doing certain things or being a certain way, try to change it!  If you are the typical bad boy with tons of chicks on the side, by all means, run around with those girls and let your girl go.  Give her the opportunity to find someone who is actually willing to make her happy if you're not.

But the basic thing to note here is that there needs to be some kind of change in the relationship, especially since outside forces are going to test you, break you down, and make you rethink your current status.  Change also comes in the form of compromise.  Ex:  Girl hates sports, Guy hates the food network.  Both have to spend time together.  Solution:  Girl watches the game with Guy, and after the game, Guy watches the food network with girl.  No one has to lose out.  But if there are both have shows on at the same time, Girl watches the game with Guy, then Guy has to take her shopping or do dishes for a week is also a good compromise.

A realization to the meaning of relationships

Balancing what the mind says and the heart wants

Several years ago, I had a good friend ask me a mind boggling question that didn't make sense at the time.  The question was:

"Do you know why God placed our heads above our hearts?"

As a young lady who was slowly coming out of her shell in this crazy world, that kind of question never entered my mind.  After all, I have never really been in a real relationship and the world was my oyster.  I was new in the country, just starting college, getting to know people and acquiring quite a number of friends.  I was (and believe to still be) intellectually smart, not visually repulsive, and quite the funny girl.  I was thrilled to have gotten the freedom to "live", especially since my parents, as most Asian parents are, were strict in allowing me to have an adventurous adolescent life or date.  All I knew was I had caught the attention of a few guys, and a few guys caught my attention as well.  C'est la vie, right?

Keep in mind that during this time, I was talking to (and talking about) a few selected guys who seemed to take an interest in getting to know me.  And like a person who seemed to have been so parched, I took in what attention I could get and drank it all down as fast as I possibly could.  Yet, when my friend asked me a serious question such as "Do you know why God placed our heads above our hearts?" I was taken aback and literally speechless.

Take a moment, if you will, to think about this question.

Your heart is strategically placed inside your chest because it is the central station for blood to flow.    In figurative terms, the heart is what makes us emotional and allows us to feel intuition, passion, love, anger, hate, disappointment and everything in between.

The brain, however, is supposed to be the central system that allows you to function.  You can't think or move without it.  Your mind is what determines how smart you really are.  But the thing is, you cannot be pronounced "dead" if your brain stops.  However, if your heart stops, you would most likely have a toe tag around your big toe.

For those of you who are just beginning your path to finding real relationships, the answer to the question is this:

God placed our heads above our hearts because he wanted us to think before we feel.  Love, as grand as it is, is not always enough when it comes to being in a relationship.  We need to take the time to mold it, understand it, work on it, and accept it for its perfection and flaws.

This applies to any relationship you build, whether it is for love, friendship, family or work.  So, remember to use your head first before you use your heart.  Otherwise, you may just end up with regrets.